day 7 home with the kids

The kids came home last night... and were frightened by my state... I felt so bad when their eyes traced my leg, until they discovered the deformity laying beneath my pants. Their little eyes looked horrified. It broke my heart. Soon they will become comfortable with my crutches and funky walk. If this nerve damage passes then there is hope that I will someday be able to get back to "normal." Or I may be unable to feel my leg from the knee down, and I am going to have to adjust to that. That possibility scares me. I chose this surgery to be able to become pain free... that was my goal. Now I am having to live with the possibility of having excruciating pain every second of every day. I am ready to get back into normal life, life that means that I can make the kids breakfast, or take the dog for a walk, or just being able to take a shower... So far, not too many "good" things have come from this surgery... the tumor was taken out, or rather parts of it, and for that i am thankful. I am trying to be patient, and calm, and am waiting to see the end results. Hopefully soon, I will be able to wake up in the morning and not shed a tear...