Adelyn the girl baby!

It was never my intention to have my two youngest so close together. It was a "God thing." I was so overwhelmed at first. But Adelyn was such an easy baby that she truly just melted into our family. She was always a happy baby, watching the world around her. She was at peace to just sit in her chair and listen to the family around her. She has always been Daddy's little girl. She loves spending special time with him, and isn't afraid of some hard work. When she was not even 2 she was helping Daddy take care of the turkeys. (there is a picture of that somewhere around here!) She is really just becoming a little lady. She is bossy, as all little girls are! She loves to make believe. She loves to play babies, and usually has at least three in tow. She loves to help Mommy with the chores, and is so pleased when she can see that her helping really does make a difference. She loves to be around people. She makes everyone smile. Though when there are many strangers around, she is quiet shy, don't be fooled. Under that cloak of shyness lies a little girl dying to have your attention. She loves to be outside, and especially in the wood. She can make a decent fairy house, and loves to imagine them being occupied. She is a good sister, and can ofter be heard saying "I will share with you because I love you." She makes me smile, even when she is not trying to. She is a wonderful daughter. And I am excited to watch her blossom into a big girl!

Owen, the middlest!

Owen was born when James was just about to turn 4. I love the age difference. It made James aware of Owen. Owen has always been a tough kid. He cried a lot as a baby, and even now, as a nearly 5 year old (wow) he is sometimes hard to console. All this aside... he is one heck of a fun guy! He is the jokster in the house. He is the one who knows how our schedule looks, usually before I do... He is the one keeping us all aware of what is going on. He is also, the most tenderhearted child I know. If ever we drive past a broken down car, he always asks if we can stop and help. He always sneaks over to me, and sneaks in a hug, or a back rub. He is so sweet... He, though, is my biggest challenge. He is a strong willed kid, who tends to not think things through too far. This has caused many "OWEN"s to spew out of my mouth! With this boy I need to sit back, and watch the marvel that he is. He is sensitive, though I usually don't notice it. He is caring, and sweet, and imaginative. He is a true comedien, and he loves the world we live in. He loves to be outside, and usually dirty. He love to watch nature happen, and often will find ways to make nature happen! He is a beautiful child. He is a true blessing. He is mine.

in the beginning there was one...

And he was James. And James was good!!!

All of James' baby pictures are actually printed out and in albums... He was born before we oned a digital camera. This means that we have actual documentation of his life... not just electronic..

From the first time I saw him I was enthrawled with him. He was an easy baby, with few outcries. We were able to decifier his cries early on. He loved looking at the world around him. He loved to be layed in the soft grass on a warm day, and he would just be at peace. When he started to walk, he would always walk to the nearest adult, and grab hands. His first "word" was "oot". He would use this as a general "hey look at this!" phrase. It was super cute! He was such a happy baby. He was so in love with my grandmother. They, from day 1, were connected. She was always able to make him smile, and of course he filled her with joy. As James turned from a baby to a toddler and from a toddler to, a full blown boy, he never ceased to be a peaceful spirit. He was always making sure everyone around him had a smile. He always took great care of me, and made sure I was happy. He was thrilled when Owen was born, and was an instant great big brother. He would love to bring me blankets to keep Owen warm. As Owen grew James was always there encouraging him along!

Now that James is about to turn 9, I have noticed some big changes in him. He is starting to except his life as his own. He knows that he is ultimately in charge of who he is, and though at times he would like to be slightly different (he gets this from me!), and doesn't always know how to become who he wants, he can understand that he is the one who needs to figure this all out. He is an amazingly bright, and funny guy. He loves to make people laugh, the louder the better! He is aware that the things he does stands for him. He is becoming more able at making better choices. Even all this is good, real good.... it makes me sad. My little man, is truly becoming a little man... I have read loads of peoples shared thoughts on their own first children growing up, and I always thought that it would not be such a big deal for me... well, *sniff* my baby is growing up... I am proud of who he is becoming, and I am so proud to have been blessed with front row seats for his journey.

James, grow on my dear, and keep making me laugh. I love you.

Ode to my Family

I don't know the exact reason why, but lately I have really felt a desire to recreate my family, and our views, and focus on the feelings associated with parenting. (the good ones!) I have been reading a lot of great blogs lately, and realized that I am not the mother I am meant to be, and I am not the wife I am supposed to be either. Sometime, long ago, life happened. When life happened things got all crazy and busy, and late for something, and off schedule, and just plain out of control... I am here to say that I am going to take my life back... even if it hurts a little, actually especially if it hurts. (with pain comes healing, and new growth!) I am hopeful that in time I am going to be able to look back, and smile at my life, and be proud of who I am. Let this be something that I am able to keep track of, and growth I can actually see, smell, taste, hear, and mostly, feel... I am excited for this year to pull us together. We had a lamb born Saturday, and this makes me want to also experience a new birth! I am going in Wednesday for my 7th knee surgery, and when I come home, I am going to start as an infant, and I am going to re-learn all about myself, and my family. I am going to be the mother I can feel inside me. To start I am going to post for each of my children, celebrating each one's individuality, and personality. I will start with my oldest, James. It is so hard to believe that he is nearing 9... but alas, that is for the next post...

day 7 home with the kids

The kids came home last night... and were frightened by my state... I felt so bad when their eyes traced my leg, until they discovered the deformity laying beneath my pants. Their little eyes looked horrified. It broke my heart. Soon they will become comfortable with my crutches and funky walk. If this nerve damage passes then there is hope that I will someday be able to get back to "normal." Or I may be unable to feel my leg from the knee down, and I am going to have to adjust to that. That possibility scares me. I chose this surgery to be able to become pain free... that was my goal. Now I am having to live with the possibility of having excruciating pain every second of every day. I am ready to get back into normal life, life that means that I can make the kids breakfast, or take the dog for a walk, or just being able to take a shower... So far, not too many "good" things have come from this surgery... the tumor was taken out, or rather parts of it, and for that i am thankful. I am trying to be patient, and calm, and am waiting to see the end results. Hopefully soon, I will be able to wake up in the morning and not shed a tear...

Recovery Day 4

i am home, alone... for, what seemed like so long, i relied on others to help take of my needs, everything from going to the bathroom, to putting on socks. Now i find myself alone. I can manage. Really I can... It's just lonely. I can sit here and think about the pain, and lack or motion, or how numb my whole foot is... i am really trying to continue with a positive attitude, but i think it is becoming harder the more i am able to really focus on me. i am trying to work on some of the physical therapists suggestions for a faster recovery... however, the pain is so excruciating i think that i am going to pass out... when i add more pain meds, i get so sleepy i can't even move. i know we are still early on, but in this kind of recovery, every second counts...

positive thought spot...

it is so sunny, and warm by the living room window! I am really looking forward to spring this year. M and i have some great garden plans... i am very excited for!! come see the front yard transfom into a children's wonderland!! posted updates can be found at www.theopendoorfarm.blogspot.com