Sacrifices...

My last post mentioned giving until it hurts. This can be real hard, but usually in the end it is worth all the effort. I am learning this lesson today. Our family had undertaken a huge garden this year. mike is working a more than full time job, plus a part time job on the side. i am not working, yet, but am slightly limited physically. and our kids, are, well, kids. but still this huge garden is looming in the back yard, begging to be tended, weeded, loved... i don't like gardening. i never have. i don't know why exactly. it's just not my thing. also, i have a touch like King Midas, not that everything i touch turns to gold (wouldn't that be nice!) instead, everything i touch dies... continually... i can't manage to grow a cactus... which requires little or no attention... having the garden in the back yard, staring back at me every morning is hard. almost depressing. i want to be good at it, i want the veggies to grow. but i can't seem to muster up enough love to actually want to go out there and deal with it. until last night... mike mentioned deciding to just till the whole garden under, and give up. when these casually spoken words hit my ears i crumbled. all the hard work i had put out there, which never seems enough, really wasn't enough. it hurt so badly inside me thinking about that garden, all the seeds we hand planted, all the watering we did, all the weeds we had pulled, and most of all, all the veggies that are just not quite ready would be a waste. a disappointment. a failure. i have never wanted anything more in my life than to make someone proud of me. (this is the part when i stop thinking about what i am typing, and type strictly from the heart)... in our home we are mostly living, or trying to live, a dream mike has had since childhood... there is nothing in the world i want more than to help his dreams come true. (good thing his dreams include having successful children!) when he mentioned giving up, it made me realize that i was not giving until it hurt. up until now i have weeded, watered, and half loved the garden. only committing when it was convenient. this morning, i had major plans, i was going to get the house all cleaned up for an up coming birthday party. I knew that i only have a few days to get it all done... but i put all that aside, and worked in the garden for nearly three hours. i got the tomatoes all weeded, and man, they look good! (have i mentioned that tomatoes are my absolute least favorite food?!?!) after conquering that tomato section, i feel... wonderful. the sacrifice of time, and energy did hurt a little bit, but the fact that it is now done, and i did it... feels amazing. let me leave you with this... find some way to sacrifice until it hurts... the "wound" will feel amazing... especially when you realize that you don't have any healing to do, because it was all healed when you began to sacrifice... peace.