today

the sun was high in the sky. it's light gleaming down on all below. the heat encouraging the crickets to sing their lullaby. the kids riding bikes, screaching with glee. i rest, in the shade, hot, and at peace. listening to the summer sounds. basking in the heat. it is august.

when does it begin to matter?

when?

Sacrifices...

My last post mentioned giving until it hurts. This can be real hard, but usually in the end it is worth all the effort. I am learning this lesson today. Our family had undertaken a huge garden this year. mike is working a more than full time job, plus a part time job on the side. i am not working, yet, but am slightly limited physically. and our kids, are, well, kids. but still this huge garden is looming in the back yard, begging to be tended, weeded, loved... i don't like gardening. i never have. i don't know why exactly. it's just not my thing. also, i have a touch like King Midas, not that everything i touch turns to gold (wouldn't that be nice!) instead, everything i touch dies... continually... i can't manage to grow a cactus... which requires little or no attention... having the garden in the back yard, staring back at me every morning is hard. almost depressing. i want to be good at it, i want the veggies to grow. but i can't seem to muster up enough love to actually want to go out there and deal with it. until last night... mike mentioned deciding to just till the whole garden under, and give up. when these casually spoken words hit my ears i crumbled. all the hard work i had put out there, which never seems enough, really wasn't enough. it hurt so badly inside me thinking about that garden, all the seeds we hand planted, all the watering we did, all the weeds we had pulled, and most of all, all the veggies that are just not quite ready would be a waste. a disappointment. a failure. i have never wanted anything more in my life than to make someone proud of me. (this is the part when i stop thinking about what i am typing, and type strictly from the heart)... in our home we are mostly living, or trying to live, a dream mike has had since childhood... there is nothing in the world i want more than to help his dreams come true. (good thing his dreams include having successful children!) when he mentioned giving up, it made me realize that i was not giving until it hurt. up until now i have weeded, watered, and half loved the garden. only committing when it was convenient. this morning, i had major plans, i was going to get the house all cleaned up for an up coming birthday party. I knew that i only have a few days to get it all done... but i put all that aside, and worked in the garden for nearly three hours. i got the tomatoes all weeded, and man, they look good! (have i mentioned that tomatoes are my absolute least favorite food?!?!) after conquering that tomato section, i feel... wonderful. the sacrifice of time, and energy did hurt a little bit, but the fact that it is now done, and i did it... feels amazing. let me leave you with this... find some way to sacrifice until it hurts... the "wound" will feel amazing... especially when you realize that you don't have any healing to do, because it was all healed when you began to sacrifice... peace.

what can you give?

I was terribly inspired this week when i was able to meet with some teens from across the world. these teens are part of a camp called Seeds of Peace (google them!!) this camp is all about bringing teens from countries that are at war to Maine (of all places!) to learn about being peace-makers! this is a really cool idea, and the kids were really on fire for upon returning home, being able to make a difference! One thing i really took from this meeting, was their desire to fulfil simple needs in their own country. Several of the teens live in refuge camps, and are watching their homes fall apart. it is so moving... yet, these kids want to help each other accomplish their dreams. so with this, comes our ideas. We are not in charge here, and we want to make sure that we are living out God's will. Mike and i have thought a lot about intentional living, community, and living with only basic needs. We feel at this time that we have plenty to shed to become more dependent on God. So, without Mike's knowledge! (he's just so busy this time of year!) i am going to go through the house, and start shedding anything we don't absolutely need. i will of course take into consideration that we have young children, and they ofter times require entertainment, but really, even with the few toys and things we have, we still have too many! *side note (see bottom)* If any of my friends want to help move things out that would be great, also i will be looking for needy homes for things to go to... i wish that anything we get rid of, doesn't become someone else's burden... we want our extra things to go some where that they are actually needed... now, another question comes to mind... is getting rid of the "extra" enough? no, i don't think so... someone once told me that it is not a sacrifice unless it hurts... so let's call this phase one... phase one most likely won't hurt... but let me tell you, i won't stop there... phase two will follow, and it most certainly should hurt... already, just thinking about this makes me feel more free... try it... find something that you don't use (or seldom use) and find someone else who would get better use of it... DON'T sell it... for really, it's not yours to sell... if your brother (or sister) has a need, who are you to not fulfill it?

*we are also trying to think of creative ways to celebrate Christmas this year. Our relatives, main;y those far away) like to send toys and such to the kids, ofter overwhelming them... any creative ideas would be much appreciated!*

Mechanical Errors

When I had my last surgery, in March, I had internal souchers put in. I was told by the Dr. that these souchers would disolve in time... It has been three months, and there is no sign of disolving... I am in severe amount of pain, as I am sure you can imagine. I called, and went to two dr.s in Maine to have them remove these stitches. Both of them, in their own way, told me that they didn't put the stitches there, and they most certainly won't be removing them... which, frankly, I can't blame them... I, however, and still stuck with these souchers in my knee. It is getting to the point where I can barely walk. Today, I will be going to Boston to have the surgeon who put these stitches in, to have him take them out! I am nervous though, these stitches have been in here for a long time, and with that could come infection... and other complications.

So here we go...

new adventures on the horizon!

Well, this sure has been an interesting year... and it is all about to change... big change... life altering change...

Have i peaked your curiosity? Good... wanna know what's going on? well...

I have been offered a new job, a good job. I will be the new director of our local food pantry, Catherine's Cupboard. This is a pantry that my family and I have volunteered at for nearly 2 years. I will be an employee of St. Joe's College, and I will have a DESK!!! (those of you who have desks and want to not... sorry... I have been working on my feet for so many years, I am ready to sit down!) I will work in the Campus Ministries office, with some very cool people! I am really excited.

The second part of our life altering plans... with a new job comes a new schedule, and with a new schedule, comes a lack of "free"time... so, Mike and I have decided to send James to public school... Somewhere inside my head I feel like a sell out. I feel like i am failing him... but in my heart, i know that this choice is the best for our whole family. He will be fine, and he will actually learn to love school again. He is overall ok with this decision. He doesn't like the idea of having deadlines, and time frames, but i think that these concepts are actually really good for him to learn. Owen also will be starting kindergarten this year. He is thrilled!!! He can't wait. I am worried about this transition... only because he is sooo little boy, i am not sure how he will fit in. But over all, i think that he will love the atmosphere of school, and i know he will love his teacher! He loves spending time with other kids, and i think that he will have a lot to offer a classroom setting.

Addie, well, she is still to young for kindergarten, just barely... so we are looking into a preschool for her. though if we don't find one, she is welcome to come to work with me. So all, in all, it is going to be big changes, but i welcome them, and i am excited for what is on the horizon.

Grocery Shopping

This week continues our local-vore diet. We went (drum roll please!) to the grocery store!!! For the first time in my entire life, we only bought food from the outside aisles of the store... well, almost. We did buy all purpose flour, made in Vermont (inside our circle!), and shortening, outside our circle... and tuna. (we have a few cans, and i wanted to be able to use it all up in one meal, and feed everyone!!) Other than that... all local, all fresh!! NO corn syrup, or even artificial flavors!!! No red #44, or blue #7... ahh... sweet food!!! Last night I made a meal using tomatoes and meat and spelt berries!! it was good. tonight, it's spinach, strawberry salad, potato salad, and open faced cheddar cheese melts, on chala bread!!! yum!!! i love also how in our kitchen store bought cans and jars are quickly being replaced by Ball jars! I am proud of our food, and I am proud of our family! So far, no one has shed a tear... though i will tattle tale a little... (*mike bought pepsi last night!*)... phew, i feel better... he is trying to finish a bottle of rum he has... or so he says! (grin)... Let's see what happens next week! (i just realized that he will miss a lot more than i will...!) I have to go boil potatoes for tonight, then it's off to sew a little girl sized kitchen apron!! (which is coming out sooo sweet!)